Engrossed in ritualistic life we have become oblivion to the fact that worry and stress have become integral part of our life. It seems under the pressure of delivering every day we fail to pause to know our reality. We without questioning ourselves have accepted pain that comes from worry and stress as normal. This normalization happened over time. It is NOT normal. It is not living life, rather death in form of worry.
- Why Worrying does NOT help?
For every minute we worry, we lose sixty seconds of our life. It is time to wake up to our own life to start living.
Life is a like a running hot shower. If we do not stand under the hot shower and are somewhere else worrying, warm water as life goes down the drain. In a difficult moment, we can either worry or explore options to come out of the situation. There is a stark difference in acknowledging a difficult situation versus talking for sake of talking that becomes a permanent pattern. You have freedom to choose. Choose wisely, as your choice will dictate outcome of your life.
If worrying were to resolve all difficult problems, we should gather in masses to worry as a community service to get through hard times. Sadly, this definitely happens every day at smaller scale, if not at level of mass gatherings. We need to listen to conversations that we start by bringing to table one worry some thought or a problem. Others slowly open up and join with their own worry some stories. Everyone pitches in; the discussion concludes by normalizing worry and pain as inseparable from life. If everyone is in pain and worried, it does not change our situation at all.
Sharing of worry and pain, without a revelation does not lessen anything, rather masks our reality. This activity gives birth to expectation of a miraculous force to be savior of all.
The miracle in this case is getting together of friends, to share ideas in order to create options to rise above the situation. Clearly, worrying to normalize does not help. There are two choices, either worry or find options to rise above the situation.
- Roots of worry
Worry comes from mistaking responsibility for ownership. Responsibility of a task, situation or people does not make you the owner. Difference between responsibility and ownership need to be fully understood in order to avoid downward spiral of worrying.
I will use two examples to elaborate. These examples most of us can relate to easily.
Example 1: If we work for someone or are self-employed, in both cases we are responsible for execution of a task(s). Our responsibility is to give our best shot without worrying about the outcome. We are only responsible for execution in order to complete a task. We are not owner of the task. If we were the owner, upon our retirement all our work related tasks should follow, if we owned them. Yet, all tasks remain with the owner, upon our retirement. If we are self-employed, we are not the business. When we sell or leave the business , all tasks do not come with us. This understanding is important.
We cannot always control outcome of our action. At any given time there are many other things happening that are out of our control. If we desire a specific outcome, we are not being true to our responsibility and are silently worrying. Thus, we are not performing our duty. We are being an irresponsible employee whose productivity is meant to slip as result of worrying instead of working.
Example 2: If we are a parent, grandparent or guardian of a child, we have responsibility of raising the child. Responsibility means providing guidance, safe environment, resources and emotional support for wellbeing of the child. Do we own the child? We might think so, but we own nothing. Ownership means we are responsible for how the child turns out as an adult, child success or failure. If we owned the child, upon our death the child shall go with us. Yet, we all know when one dies no one comes with them. No matter how loving, caring and sweet the relationship might be.
Lest we forget. There is only one owner of all beings– the creator. Only the creator shall worry of his creation and everything in his creation.
- How to start living without worry?
Worrying and living do not happen simultaneously. A moment spent in worry, is moment lost. If the moments lost, keep adding up, no life is left.
Love is remedy for age-old disease of worry. To love is to be responsible without claiming any ownership. Children come through us. We are not the child. We do not own a child. Problems come through us. We are not the problem. Ownership implies we are creator of the child or a problem. If we are the creator, it is time for us to investigate our thought of being the creator.
We often confuse attachment with love. When responsibility is married with ownership, attachment is born. When ownership is divorced from responsibility it becomes love. When we do things without ownership, expectations and desired outcomes, we free ourselves from worry and pain. When we learn to do things out of love, we start loving our children, our work, people and everything life has to offer.
Love leaves no room for worry.